Reversing the Lost Generation

Most people today have their lives defined in the following manner, and they live the mantra below –

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it .

Now, if we read the poem the other way around, it will be like this:

There is hope .
It is foolish to presume that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic.
It will be evident that
My peers and I care about this earth
No longer can it be said that
Environmental destruction will be the norm
In the future
I will live in a country of my own making
I do not concede that
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
Experts tell me
This is a quick fix society
but this will not be true in my era
Families stayed together
Once upon a time
I tell you this
family
is more important than
work
I have my priorities straight because
My employer will know that
they are not the most important things in my life
So in 30 years I will tell my children
“Money will make me happy.”
is a lie, and
“Happiness comes from within.”
I realize this may be a shock but
I can change the world
and I refuse to believe that
I am part of a lost generation.

Thank you for raising me the way you did

Dear Mummy & Daddy,

I think I’ve never even written the both of you a letter like this before. Well, I never had a reason too, since I was never so far away from home for so long a time.

I guess there is a lifetime of things that I could write about, and that I could thank you for, but that wouldn’t be most accurately captured in just some words on a screen. Well, both of you were the ones who gave me life, so first of all thank you for that. I guess like all kids, I grew up comparing what I had with others, the house I lived in, the family I grew up in, and it was always tough trying to figure out why there would always be someone else who had a nicer bag, and nicer house, and even cooler parents who let them do whatever they wanted.

A memory of me asking you why you weren’t like someone else’s parents is stuck in my mind as I write this to you – I remember Daddy being furious and saying never to compare my family with anyone else, whether it was in terms of wealth or looks or simple they way they were. I remember thinking it was just an excuse for not being what I wished you were.

Along the path of growing up, I remember instances where I desperately found it so hard to understand why I never could be so frank and truthful with you -thank sometimes you guys were so awfully stern that I didnt want to confide anything with you at all. I remember there were really strong feelings of hurt and anger, and an emptiness when I saw how other friends could joke so openly with their parents and be like total friends, not strangers.

There were some specific instances where I needed another relative to intervene in our quarrels and misunderstandings, and those moments I thought thoughts that I never want to think about again. But I guess gone are those times, because now that I am so far away from home, I feel closer to you both than ever before. Rare as it sounds, we email alot more nowadays, and I think I know much more about what’s going on in your life than I had ever did. We exchange emails on almost a daily basis, when we never used to say more than “hello” back home. Perhaps absence really makes the heart grow fonder.

However, more than the mere frequency of emails we have now, staying with another family and being overseas has shown me the importance of the foundation I have growing up. The values I learnt from you both always remind me how fortunate I am. That although we may not be as close as other families, family unity is always a top priority for you. I remember the tough conversation we had this year when you guys came to Argentina to visit me – when we were in Calafate and I said stuff that hurt you both, but rather than react and explode at me, you chose to stay calm and sit us all together and say a little prayer.

I think about the times when Mummy you would prepare all the goodies and vitamins for me to bring here to Argentina plus a ton of other non-essential stuff so I would not be in lack – and I feel so thankful because not every parent would bother about such things for a daughter that is already 25 and decided to go live overseas on her own. I think about how you guys always try to keep in touch nowadays and despite some one-liner conversations, it always feels good to hear your voices.

Thank you for all you have given to me, and done for me to make me the person I am. I’m so proud to have you as my parents.

Love,
me.

Letter to JMC

Hola mi quierido JM!

I haven’t written a letter to you in such a long time, and I figure that now is the perfect opportunity to write to you, given the 30-letter challenge and the fact that your birthday and mine just passed, marking 3 years since we got together in Mannheim!

Thinking back on the past three years (wow! 3 whole years, that’s almost or maybe more than 1000 days!), I guess we can say we’ve been through quite a lot together. From meeting you as my housemate in Germany as we both were on exchange in Uni Mannheim, to complaining to F about your and Fer cooking too much chicken and how the entire apartment would fill up with the aroma of chicken, perfect if you’re having dinner but not so if you’re in pyjamas ready to hit the bed! I remember the first time F told me that there were 2 Argentines in our VG, I wondered to myself what on earth Argentines look like. (Sorry I had no idea then, I just knew Argentina was very very far away).

Then I remember bumping into you in the kitchen when you would be preparing some breakfast of cereal and milk (or maybe something else with orange juice, or dulce de leche) and we would just chat, not too long, maybe just 5 minutes, but it always felt like we connected in a way. The next memory I have of you is the queue for Oktoberfest tickets, and how I arrived with Crystal, Jingying and some others at 6+am, to find you and Fer camped out right at the front of the queue. Someone even took a photo of you both sleeping on the ground in the cold winter morning. It was hilarious – and I thought to myself – “Gawd! these are my housemates!!” Honestly I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

Then one day in the kitchen – I can’t remember who started the conversation – but we started talking about travel plans, and I mentioned that I was headed to Barcelona the following week, and you said “So am I!” Turned out that we were both flying on the same airlines, just one day apart. The last day in Barcelona, we flew back on the same plane, and bumped into each other with our respective group of friends just outside a shopping mall. I also remember how you told me you were amazed I didnt know how to greet people with kisses, and how I would only hug instead of making the sound of a kiss in the air. These encounters seem a little silly but somehow they always remind me of Mannheim and how we first met.

We got together sometime between your birthday and mine, and while it was crazy, knowing that I would probably not see you after we both went back to our home countries when the semester ended, I somehow thought to myself that I had to give us a chance. So during that december month of 2007, we travelled, we went to Heidelberg, Dresden and Paris, and we grew much closer. I started realizing the person you were – your depth and your understanding of life that made you want to take chances for something that was worth it because you understood the shortness of life and how important it was to appreciate and grab opportunies presented to us.

The last few days of December (particularly prior to our New Years’ trip to Paris) were unbearably tough. As the ticking clock started sounding louder to the end of the year and to the close of exchange, I felt my heart breaking as I realized it might be very possible that I may not ever see you again. I went to Paris heavy hearted, while at the same time also feeling so lucky to be able to spend New Year’s with you, in the city whose name is synonymous with “romance”. We parted in that horrible bus station in Paris, and I was crying buckets, as you waved goodbye from outside the coach, hands in your ski jacket.

Arriving back in SG, I read your emails from different parts of Europe, and we would rush to schedule timings to skype, because it felt so empty without talking to each other. When you told me you thought it was worth it to try to continue with a long-distance relationship, I was so happy I almost cried. That April of 2008, I took my flight flight to South America, Argentina, where I would spend the next two months as a graudation trip. I enjoyed myself so much, with your family and friends, that when it was time to leave, I felt so upset, and wished I could stay for another 2 more months.

Back home, I started work with SCB when my IG program started. During the last 2 years since then, we both travelled to and fro Singapore and Buenos Aires, but finally decided at the end of last year that we should both stay in the same country, we agreed in the end I would go over.

This year, two years after the first April that I arrived in Buenos Aires, I took the Malaysian Airlines flight via KL, Cape Town and Johannesburg, and stepped foot here, where I’ve been for the last 7 months.

Thank you for your love, patience, understanding and care every single day, even on days that you are busy, and when things may not be going so well for you. Thank you for surprising me with a rose on the first day of Spring, for lying to me that you were going to do something else when you were actually preparing breakfast for me, and thank you for always thinking about how I would feel.

Te amo, y beso grande,
Tu Cuquito.

Letter to my best friend

Dear JH,

I’m starting on this challenge and the first letter is supposed to be dedicated to my best friend. So I thought hard, and realized that throughout the years, time and distance, throughout different friendship circles and circumstances, the one person who was non-family but has been there since as long as I could remember up till this very day, is you, yes you.

I remember that we met in CHIJ Katong, when we both got streamed into TA5 (Tangarine 5). We were then in quite different circles, but somehow ended up going to the same tuition class, yes Mrs Chua’s house in Bukit Timah! It would fall on Saturday afternoons, and before heading for the heavy group Science lessons I would meet you at your condo and have our hearty lunches of beehoon with the heavenly chili sauce your granny made so perfectly. Remember how much I ate? Man, I think I must have made quite an impression on your mum! Primary 5 and 6 passed by pretty quickly, and soon, we had our combined birthday celebration at your place by the pool. I gave you a Spice girls CD, and to my amazement and shock, you gave me a Kipling bag, one of the coolest brands when we were kids!

Secondary school went by with us in pretty much different lives, you continuing in KC and I went on to NY. Yet we still kept in old-school contact through our snail mails and I remember always being so happy when I received a letter from you. At that point of time, 13 years ago, email was just getting popular and IRC and ICQ was all the rage. However, we stuck to our penpal traditional bond. I think sometime along then, we did a sleepover once a year, alternating between your place and mine, and I still recall how being kids, we would sleep at 11+pm but set the alarm to wake up for our midnight feast of instant noodles and some other junk food. Somehow I have this image of us putting the food in a red little plastic ship thing – it doesn’t make any sense to me now, but that’s what I always associate with our midnight feasts.

JC came upon us soon after, and once again, we went to different schools, you to TJC and me in HCJC. Proximity wise we were far apart, but we still met up to mug for our exams together, and did the sleepovers as well. Remember crazy Bedok CC where we studied so hard for “A” levels in those small wooden cubicles? Remember also that sometimes Shawn came to join us, and he marked the wooden table with a carving saying “17 more days” as he counted down to the end of the dreadful Physics exam (which coincidentally happened to fall on my birthday)?

Naturally as time passed, it was also time for University. I was busy with SMU and you with Econs in NUS. Yet I think it was also during Uni that we started spending more time hanging out together, meeting at Parkway for beef noodles, and chilling at your house. I always knew you as a studious and hardworking girl, who worked hard for her dreams, so I understood when u so desperately wanted to go to London to do your second degree. And while you didnt exactly end up doing that, you are there now on exchange, and you made your dream come true.

I’ve seen you work hard, question things, and how you’ve always stayed close to the most important values in life. You always make the effort to bring people together, to stay close, and to give little gifts which always lets those around you know how much you care and that we are never far from your thoughts. After returning from exchange in Mannheim, we spent afternoons lazing around in Laguna, driving in your new Mazda 6, and shopping at Parkway (well, of cos you mostly shop online now!). Being here in Buenos Aires now, I miss those times where I would just go over to your place by Tanjong Katong Road and ride a bike with you with the east coast breeze in our hair, and then sitting at Bedok jetty where we would talk about everything possible. I remember the last time we did that, and the golden sunset glow falling on us as we talked into the evening.

I miss that you are just a bus ride away, but of course you are just a skype call away with technology so advanced. I hope you know you are very missed and that I can’t wait to catch up with you in person again when I’m back for CNY!

Te quiero muchisimo.
Hugs,
f.

The 30-letter challenge

Stumbled across a great challenge (not often) and think this is a pretty apt way to end 2010/ start 2011.

Letter 1 — Your best friend
Letter 2 — Your husband/wife/lover/bf/gf/crush
Letter 3 — Your parents
Letter 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Letter 5 — Your dreams
Letter 6 — A stranger
Letter 7 — Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Letter 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Letter 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Letter 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Letter 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Letter 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Letter 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Letter 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Letter 15 — The person you miss the most
Letter 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Letter 17 — Someone from your childhood
Letter 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Letter 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Letter 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Letter 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Letter 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Letter 23 — The last person you kissed
Letter 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Letter 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Letter 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Letter 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Letter 28 — Someone that changed your life
Letter 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Letter 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Rightfully the letters should be written in the order above and day after day, by I’m gonna allow myself some flexibility and write these letters whenever inspiration hits me.

Good luck to me!

The Road less travelled ::Robert Frost::

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The best gift a father can give his child

I came across an article this morning, that though deceptively simple, is really a piece of prose that deserves pondering; whether you are a male or female, father or mother, daughter or son.

So many fathers strive so hard at work to provide a “good life” for their families, sincerely hoping to give their families and children the sense of security and financial support which society deems very important. Yes, that is no doubt absolutely right. Yet one stark fact remains that because of the way many fathers wrongly bring their children up, through bad attitudes in the house and outside of it; many grow up more aware of the lack of a father’s guidance and love than of the dad’s actual physical presence. Articles have been painstaking written for decades about the impact of fathers on their children; their absence as significant as their presence. Once in a while, you come across something that really makes alot of sense.

Here’s the article I started this post with:

The best gift a father can give his child
by Beth McHugh | More from this Blogger

I was talking recently to a very dear friend who dropped this pearl of wisdom into the conversation: “The best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.”

The friend couldn’t remember where she had heard this saying, but it didn’t matter. The wisdom in these few words is both concise and profound. Think about that sentence again: “The best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.”

Really, in terms of the bigger picture, this says it all. In loving the mother, he will, by definition, love the child. Yet in loving the mother, he also sets up a profound sense of peace and stability in the child that is irreplaceable. For children who come from a stable, loving background, this may not seem of fundamental importance. That is because they have experienced the deep peace that comes from having grown up in a loving environment and know of no other way of being.

But for adult children of difficult or fractured backgrounds, the head nods in agreement. There was little sense of peace in such an upbringing. This lack of security plays out in later life. It affects relationships at school, relationships at work and, most importantly, love relationships. Not having a sense of childhood stability makes the adolescent and adult individual needy and insecure, and effectively limits their choice of suitable partners. Often children of unstable parental relationships will go on unwittingly to provide unstable homes for their own children, thus repeating the pattern.

A father who loves his children’s mother also sets up a valuable template for both his sons and his daughters. For his sons, he displays a role model which the growing male can take as his own model for treating all the women in his life, from his mother and sisters, to his ultimate life partner.

Such a father also provides a role model for his daughters. Here the impressionable young woman can witness in the comfort of their own home all that they should expect from the men in their lives. They also learn by definition what they should not have to put up with. Having a father who loves your mother makes you more likely to go on to choose a man who will truly love you.

Finally, in giving his children this great gift, he is also demonstrating the very opposite of what some parents believe is good parenting. He is giving the intangible gift of love, not toys, gifts, and endless monetary handouts. Intangible the gift of love may be, but children soak up this invisible commodity like candy. They love it, because they inherently know it is what they need to thrive.

So fathers, show your children that you love their mother. Be as demonstrative as you know how. Stand next to her as you journey through life. The trickle-down effect of loving your partner will envelop your children in a cloak of love that will shield them from much of the harshness of life and encourage them to make better life choices.

There is no greater gift that you can give your children.