Letter to a stranger

Hey you, yes you sitting on the sidewalk with your half-broken sneakers and mud-stained face. What are you staring at? What has captured your attention so much you look half-dazed half-awake with your eyes opened? How does it feel to sit on the floor, hands out, begging for money every day of your life? I often wonder as I walk by you, if you understood the definition of “dignity”, or if perhaps in the dictionary of your life, such a word never existed, doesn’t exist, and never will? What does it feel to have your pleas for some coins completely ignored, or have passersby move that one little inch away, a small yet obvious act of rejection and clear intent of avoidance? Are you stoned to the looks of disgust thrown your way by people who cannot understand your lack of effort to live a better life, or have you just hardened your broken heart because some previous event has smashed it to bits you are now just held by the glue of trying to live day-to-day?

Don’t look away stranger, I see you, sitting at that café day after day, always dressed to the nines in your elegant boots and damn fine trench, your make up always perfect, like your gaze, a frozen lake on a midwinter night. Yet something about the flawlessness of your posture and gestures seems to hang a hammer over you, as if you were about to crack under the slightest bit of pressure. What is it that I can’t seem to identify in you, that makes me return over and over again to decipher the puzzle my eyes just saw? That’s it, I know now, its this impeccably stunning air of sadness that surrounds your, so dark that it seems to be glowing, as if it were emanating from your very presence. Your large sorrowful eyes, doleful and all-knowing, which throw side glances every once in a while, as if you were watchful of a potential stalker, yet no one ever comes up to you, except for the waiter, who cannot avert your beauty, but at the same time looks terrified of you. What is it that draws my attention, and so many others, that lures but repels, that loosens then tightens, that simply cannot be defined?

How about you then stranger? The guy whose blog I read once in a while, but pictures show a lot more about himself than words ever would. I love those bright light-saturated photos, taken off a street in Paris, New York, or even Korea. The styles of the people you encapsulate in your lenses vary to such extents there is no way to categorize them. But each of them has a light-heartedness that is part self-confidence and part whimsicalness. The pictures inspire me, but not so much in the sense of taking professional pictures, but more to put things into pictures through black and white words that spill from my imagination and observations of life.

There are a thousand strangers I would love to talk to or just write a letter to, but today just three. I’ll speak to you again.

Letter to JMC

Hola mi quierido JM!

I haven’t written a letter to you in such a long time, and I figure that now is the perfect opportunity to write to you, given the 30-letter challenge and the fact that your birthday and mine just passed, marking 3 years since we got together in Mannheim!

Thinking back on the past three years (wow! 3 whole years, that’s almost or maybe more than 1000 days!), I guess we can say we’ve been through quite a lot together. From meeting you as my housemate in Germany as we both were on exchange in Uni Mannheim, to complaining to F about your and Fer cooking too much chicken and how the entire apartment would fill up with the aroma of chicken, perfect if you’re having dinner but not so if you’re in pyjamas ready to hit the bed! I remember the first time F told me that there were 2 Argentines in our VG, I wondered to myself what on earth Argentines look like. (Sorry I had no idea then, I just knew Argentina was very very far away).

Then I remember bumping into you in the kitchen when you would be preparing some breakfast of cereal and milk (or maybe something else with orange juice, or dulce de leche) and we would just chat, not too long, maybe just 5 minutes, but it always felt like we connected in a way. The next memory I have of you is the queue for Oktoberfest tickets, and how I arrived with Crystal, Jingying and some others at 6+am, to find you and Fer camped out right at the front of the queue. Someone even took a photo of you both sleeping on the ground in the cold winter morning. It was hilarious – and I thought to myself – “Gawd! these are my housemates!!” Honestly I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

Then one day in the kitchen – I can’t remember who started the conversation – but we started talking about travel plans, and I mentioned that I was headed to Barcelona the following week, and you said “So am I!” Turned out that we were both flying on the same airlines, just one day apart. The last day in Barcelona, we flew back on the same plane, and bumped into each other with our respective group of friends just outside a shopping mall. I also remember how you told me you were amazed I didnt know how to greet people with kisses, and how I would only hug instead of making the sound of a kiss in the air. These encounters seem a little silly but somehow they always remind me of Mannheim and how we first met.

We got together sometime between your birthday and mine, and while it was crazy, knowing that I would probably not see you after we both went back to our home countries when the semester ended, I somehow thought to myself that I had to give us a chance. So during that december month of 2007, we travelled, we went to Heidelberg, Dresden and Paris, and we grew much closer. I started realizing the person you were – your depth and your understanding of life that made you want to take chances for something that was worth it because you understood the shortness of life and how important it was to appreciate and grab opportunies presented to us.

The last few days of December (particularly prior to our New Years’ trip to Paris) were unbearably tough. As the ticking clock started sounding louder to the end of the year and to the close of exchange, I felt my heart breaking as I realized it might be very possible that I may not ever see you again. I went to Paris heavy hearted, while at the same time also feeling so lucky to be able to spend New Year’s with you, in the city whose name is synonymous with “romance”. We parted in that horrible bus station in Paris, and I was crying buckets, as you waved goodbye from outside the coach, hands in your ski jacket.

Arriving back in SG, I read your emails from different parts of Europe, and we would rush to schedule timings to skype, because it felt so empty without talking to each other. When you told me you thought it was worth it to try to continue with a long-distance relationship, I was so happy I almost cried. That April of 2008, I took my flight flight to South America, Argentina, where I would spend the next two months as a graudation trip. I enjoyed myself so much, with your family and friends, that when it was time to leave, I felt so upset, and wished I could stay for another 2 more months.

Back home, I started work with SCB when my IG program started. During the last 2 years since then, we both travelled to and fro Singapore and Buenos Aires, but finally decided at the end of last year that we should both stay in the same country, we agreed in the end I would go over.

This year, two years after the first April that I arrived in Buenos Aires, I took the Malaysian Airlines flight via KL, Cape Town and Johannesburg, and stepped foot here, where I’ve been for the last 7 months.

Thank you for your love, patience, understanding and care every single day, even on days that you are busy, and when things may not be going so well for you. Thank you for surprising me with a rose on the first day of Spring, for lying to me that you were going to do something else when you were actually preparing breakfast for me, and thank you for always thinking about how I would feel.

Te amo, y beso grande,
Tu Cuquito.

Letter to my best friend

Dear JH,

I’m starting on this challenge and the first letter is supposed to be dedicated to my best friend. So I thought hard, and realized that throughout the years, time and distance, throughout different friendship circles and circumstances, the one person who was non-family but has been there since as long as I could remember up till this very day, is you, yes you.

I remember that we met in CHIJ Katong, when we both got streamed into TA5 (Tangarine 5). We were then in quite different circles, but somehow ended up going to the same tuition class, yes Mrs Chua’s house in Bukit Timah! It would fall on Saturday afternoons, and before heading for the heavy group Science lessons I would meet you at your condo and have our hearty lunches of beehoon with the heavenly chili sauce your granny made so perfectly. Remember how much I ate? Man, I think I must have made quite an impression on your mum! Primary 5 and 6 passed by pretty quickly, and soon, we had our combined birthday celebration at your place by the pool. I gave you a Spice girls CD, and to my amazement and shock, you gave me a Kipling bag, one of the coolest brands when we were kids!

Secondary school went by with us in pretty much different lives, you continuing in KC and I went on to NY. Yet we still kept in old-school contact through our snail mails and I remember always being so happy when I received a letter from you. At that point of time, 13 years ago, email was just getting popular and IRC and ICQ was all the rage. However, we stuck to our penpal traditional bond. I think sometime along then, we did a sleepover once a year, alternating between your place and mine, and I still recall how being kids, we would sleep at 11+pm but set the alarm to wake up for our midnight feast of instant noodles and some other junk food. Somehow I have this image of us putting the food in a red little plastic ship thing – it doesn’t make any sense to me now, but that’s what I always associate with our midnight feasts.

JC came upon us soon after, and once again, we went to different schools, you to TJC and me in HCJC. Proximity wise we were far apart, but we still met up to mug for our exams together, and did the sleepovers as well. Remember crazy Bedok CC where we studied so hard for “A” levels in those small wooden cubicles? Remember also that sometimes Shawn came to join us, and he marked the wooden table with a carving saying “17 more days” as he counted down to the end of the dreadful Physics exam (which coincidentally happened to fall on my birthday)?

Naturally as time passed, it was also time for University. I was busy with SMU and you with Econs in NUS. Yet I think it was also during Uni that we started spending more time hanging out together, meeting at Parkway for beef noodles, and chilling at your house. I always knew you as a studious and hardworking girl, who worked hard for her dreams, so I understood when u so desperately wanted to go to London to do your second degree. And while you didnt exactly end up doing that, you are there now on exchange, and you made your dream come true.

I’ve seen you work hard, question things, and how you’ve always stayed close to the most important values in life. You always make the effort to bring people together, to stay close, and to give little gifts which always lets those around you know how much you care and that we are never far from your thoughts. After returning from exchange in Mannheim, we spent afternoons lazing around in Laguna, driving in your new Mazda 6, and shopping at Parkway (well, of cos you mostly shop online now!). Being here in Buenos Aires now, I miss those times where I would just go over to your place by Tanjong Katong Road and ride a bike with you with the east coast breeze in our hair, and then sitting at Bedok jetty where we would talk about everything possible. I remember the last time we did that, and the golden sunset glow falling on us as we talked into the evening.

I miss that you are just a bus ride away, but of course you are just a skype call away with technology so advanced. I hope you know you are very missed and that I can’t wait to catch up with you in person again when I’m back for CNY!

Te quiero muchisimo.
Hugs,
f.

The 30-letter challenge

Stumbled across a great challenge (not often) and think this is a pretty apt way to end 2010/ start 2011.

Letter 1 — Your best friend
Letter 2 — Your husband/wife/lover/bf/gf/crush
Letter 3 — Your parents
Letter 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Letter 5 — Your dreams
Letter 6 — A stranger
Letter 7 — Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Letter 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Letter 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Letter 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Letter 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Letter 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Letter 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Letter 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Letter 15 — The person you miss the most
Letter 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Letter 17 — Someone from your childhood
Letter 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Letter 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Letter 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Letter 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Letter 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Letter 23 — The last person you kissed
Letter 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Letter 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Letter 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Letter 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Letter 28 — Someone that changed your life
Letter 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Letter 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Rightfully the letters should be written in the order above and day after day, by I’m gonna allow myself some flexibility and write these letters whenever inspiration hits me.

Good luck to me!