Las Pequenos Cosas

It’s the little things I start to realise,
that define the word we sometimes cannot conceptualize
The pen on the table, put away without a second thought;
Scanned documents sent via email;
acknowledged merely with a hasty ‘thanks’
Its the increase in the account;
And the breakfast of pancakes with dulce de leche.

The call in the morning to wake me up
A question, an application
The extended trip, the greater insurance
The walk to the money changer
The smile when seeing me
Hugs and prayers each morning for my safety
It’s the little things, that shout out your steadfast unwavering conviction.

TE QUIERO Mama

La medida del amor..es amar sin medida.

De abuela de Juan. Esto es verdadera.

The measure of love is love without measure.

I write as I am

It’s suffice to say my years on earth has earned me the right to say that I’ve seen a fair share of personalities, people, circumstances, and experienced a relatively substantial amount of emotions, feelings and passions that have shaped my being as it is now. In thought, in presence, in creation.

A little earlier perhaps, I might be more brash and brazen in my harshness in advocating feelings and opinionated bursts of speech. A little younger and you might be presented with a girl overly engaged in her cotton candy wispsy dreams, thinking her actions could change the world when all she did was sit by her window watching the clouds form lollipop swirls, imagining, with an earnest zest so sincere yet not enough to leave the footprint she yearned for.

A little later, and yes there will be more memories and experiences embedded within the core of my being. You might see a woman with a smile patented by unique laughter lines, a little older and wiser from thinking much more, a little more mature. Life, family and friends and love, still the essence of her soul.

Yet it is now, today, not yesterday nor tomorrow as whom I write right now, a woman emerging from her shell, contemplating her transition from one beautiful phase to another holding much more promises and hinting of destiny. After a dry spell in which I created nothing to share, I had to look beyond just me, and stare further, squinting till I see the sunrise in the horizon. No more the waves so near that hold me down with terror; nor the tiny ripples that barely seem to portray any cause. Lately I felt God speaking to me once more, no reprimands, no brutal scoldings, just pure embrace of affirmation that I had missed for too long a time. He spoke only once, but so clearly: GRATITUDE.

So many things I had taken for granted, people who I loved dearly and gave up so much for me so willingly; the ability to move forth and dare to grasp what never would have seemed possible just a little while ago; my circumstances; my family, my friends, my gifts and talents, my heart for people. I look around and everything my eyes lay upon I hear these words “Count your blessings”. Every year of my life I take a lesson away; the last one year, I was blessed to take away more than one.

I learnt how much my family loves me. The importance of family struck a chord in the strings of my heart, and enfolding every moment I saw the trust, the belief, the unconditional love, the unspoken words that I had been searching for for a large part of my teenage life. It took a unmeasurable amount of time to realise it, but my smile, my joy and my boldness to freefall was built upon the thick solid foundation that my family would hold me and break my fall. I know that because I have seen first hand the bond that binds us like a nest interwoven through years of patience and forgiveness. Love that I thought I had to earn was freely bestowed upon me when I need it the most, understanding and a freer flow of communication followed easily. An injustice I had harboured for many years dissolving through tears of fear that were later replaced by reassurances of confidence and warmth.

I learnt the importance of mutual respect; how to hold another person, especially someone you love, with the fabric called trust laced with the glue of basic admiration and belief that the other would do his or her best for the good of you. The cruciality of appreciation and the show of it; is the starch that gives dao suan its viscousity, the bonds between water molecules that lead up to the phenomenon called surface tension and the netting which guarantees to catch a gymnast walking on tight rope. Without this human glue, no relationship can last, or withstand the tests of time or distance. Each human has a need for respect and trust, and without either, there’s very little rock to stand on.

I learnt the importance of “Carpe Diem“. Seizing the day and making the most of the moment, since as all the wise sages say, time is short and once passed is never to return again.  Passion never stood out more for me than now; and it is also now that I understand how each day I choose to smile or cry, laugh or sigh cannot be reversed, and if so, why be sad? The only way to fight time is to be as happy as you can. No day’s worth is insignificant enough to say I’ll do it tomorrow. Now if I want to write a postcard, I write it, if I want to call and say Hello, How are you? I pick up the receiver; no longer concerned about the abruptness of the urge to wish, nor about the surprised response of the receiver.

All these lessons, I cradle in the core of my heart; my memories impounding with these principles each time they are invoked. In the future there will be more I am sure, lessons for life and all the better shared. Now I write as I am, grateful, for all that has shaped me and allowed me to be the way I am. GRATITUDE, as He reminded me, is the cornerstone of contentment. And so God, once again I lift all surrounding me into your hands, for You to take care of them as only You can. Muchas gracias.

untied, unknotted, free to flow.

you know that spark of fire bursting in the cold?
that gust of warm toasty air in the frozen morning chill?
that rainbow glimpsed in an unexpected prism?
that spill of ink from a pen you once thought completely dried?

I’ve found it. Or at least, something close to it. So, so close.
It’s a wild place, and very unsafe.

Entender cambia la vida.

Esta Manana;
Me siento, pensando.
Muchas cosas en mi cabeza,
porque en los ultimos meses,
mi experiencia cambio mi vida.

La gente quien yo conoci;
Los lugares donde yo disfrute mas alla de mi imaginacion,
Aprendi el significado y el valor de la vida;
La verdad sobre el amor.

Siempre, viviran en mi corazon,
porque sus maneras, su amor,
se extienden mas alla de su alrededor,
Me conmovieron profundamente.

Su simplicidad, sinceridad, y amabilidad,
fueron mi mejores regalos.

Petals; uncreased, untouched.

the lacy feel of candle-smooth petals
lingering with the scent of morning dew
stalks stretching towards the sky of endless possibilities
in full glory dancing with nature’s melodies.

seared with violets and intensity of magenta
the whiteness piercing, spilling all over.
fresh page, uncreased, untouched, undefiled.