Are you concerned with the big or the small?

Do u talk about the big things or the small things in life? Do u consume yourself with the minute details that make for little consequences, or do you concern your thoughts and plan your path so that you deliberately aim to be a part of the influence that matters to those around you?

On the way home today I found myself pondering over this question, and in my continuing quest to arrive at an answer with regards to what my life was created for, I realised that the past two weeks of just slacking my life away (which was good therapy for the tired physique) was all that I mentioned– simply good for a short while, but never something I could imagine doing for the rest of my worldly existence. I realised that I could never just watch an entire drama series in one sitting, because as opposed to finding fulfilment in the apparent joy of watching brainless, easy on the mind shows, I find myself frustrated and subciously desperate for something more meaningful and materially significant.

If we all went through life churning away at the mundane tasks and daily routines that we have protectively wrapped ourselves in, very soon, we lose the love to live, that love that as children we embraced when we envisioned ourselves changing the world we were born in, believing in the hope that one day, we would do something substantial to mark our short span of time on this planet called Earth.

Today, Youyi said something that totally made sense, in such an easily understood yet often overlooked way– that careers are not just a series of jobs to climb up that impossible-to-scale ladder; instead, a career should be a means to helping us define our lives as we improve ourselves every step of the way. Easier said than done I know, but retrospectively, shouldn’t that be how we perceive the next few decades of our lives?

For something that we plan to devote almost half our lifespan to, and that I foresee will give us troubles, headaches, fatigue from the whole package that life is renowned to douse us with, it makes logical sense that we use this journey practically and put it to good use. I suppose there are many out there that just hope to make it through life one job to another; perhaps their circumstances deem that to be the only possible way of living; but for those of us whole future lays unwritten on that clean page waiting for us to unravel through the dreams and aspirations riping in our potential, I think that a career should be life changing both for our character as well as for our minds.

I don’t quite yet know how to engage in this lofty vision that is so intricately appealing; but I will just start taking it one step at a time.

De-couple-lisation

Over a weekend getaway, I found myself questioning and poking at the fairytale bubble that many couples enclose themselves in, a thin film of glass that separates them from the rest of the world, a layer that suddenly oversensitizes them to the feelings of their partners and de-sensitizes them to that of their surroundings.

I began to ask and scratch around for how God had intended for couples to be, and how a life partner should aid in character development, growth and maturity. How should couples behave and how might they embrace the world with an inclusive attitude that does not rule out everything else?

Is it supposed to be that once a person gets attached, the rest of the world falls away in a blurry state of oblivion? That there should exist a little barrier between two and the rest of the insignificant beings? I wonder. I think that for a couple to resist being exclusive and to taken into consideration their environment describes a great lot about the two parties involved; it displays a sensitivity to surroundings and a giving nature that extends beyond the make believe world of two-of-us.

I came to the realization that while couples are meant to be united as one and be an extension of each other (perhaps?), they are also put together to become better together than apart. Just like in mergers and acquisitions where two or more different entities combine because there is greater synergy between them and the benefits which accrue from their fusion far exceed the individual benefits from them being separate, so is the coming together of two diffferent individuals looking for the other half to make a whole.

Late night conversations

They reveal the hidden side of friends and people who you never thought would spill so much out to you.
They throw a bomb of truth straight in your face just when you thought you could just sit back and relax and waste some time talking on msn chat windows.

Late night conversations and their way of opening a stiff and tight-lipped person, play on the role that the dark and quiet night thrives on. At home alone and no one to hear their cries, late night conversations become the window to someone else’s soul, a key to a closed locked room that opens, and once the door has been thrown open, unravels the truth beneath the superficial banter that initiated the conversations.

People yearn to connect with one another, as Tom Friedman said in “The World is Flat”, and true enough, there exists a longing to connect with others beyond the glassy chats and easily-forgotten badly cracked jokes. After daylight has faded into the twilight, and the busy-ness of the day has subsided, the many people we encounter everyday, brushing us by the sleeve of our raincoats, simply blend and get lost in a quilted mess of pictorial squares, stitched and woven together without any significant highlights.

When we have settled into our own skin in the comfort and security of our privacy, we lie privy to the thoughts that start to run merry-go-rounds in our heads, and suddenly we are bursting to have someone to understand, to hold our hands, and remind us that we are not alone. There is a deep longing that makes us innately human; no man or woman is an island. Our spirit stretches out for that of another whose easiness and comfort can be chicken soup for the soul.

Late night conversations have the power to engage two people in the truth about their opinions and fears; it reveals their vulnerability and thin cracklines forming at the edges of their polished resumes and brilliant careers. It betrays the beautifully painted portrait of a life happily ever after, and reminds us that we are all distinctly human.

It is a time where secrets have their veils thrown up and exposed; where friendship gets a thicker cemented layer, and where the seeds are sown for truth, for kindness and for hope. Yes, that’s what late night conversations are.

Life is short/ Hope is free/ Love won’t shortchange you/

Some people make no sense at all, others so much sense that you wished you could take notes as they speak.

Indeed, we should never ever stop ourselves from hoping for a better tomorrow,  or from hoping that our dreams will arrive just in time, in a carriage rolling on faith and determination; because,

Hope is free.

Indeed, somethings cannot be postponed; things which are dear to the heart of my very soul. And life is short enough that we have to keep asking,

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

Indeed, the people we love the most are sometimes also the people we are the meanest to. What is stopping us from opening the windows of our still, hardened hearts from showering those we most care about with our concern and affection? It is fear, of rejection, of seeming foolishness, of awkwardness. But why can’t we embrace unabashedly and drink in reciprocated trust, respect and indulgence?

Love won’t shortchange us.

Love, jealousy, and sacrifice?

According to Wikipedia, “Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness“.

So essentially love is just a feeling, that’s what we are told, and that’s how we demonstrate and feel that we are in love, or that we are loved. Unfortunately for all of us, if that definition of love is really true, then no wonder the number of marriages that are on the rocks and eventually lead to separation or divorce has been increasingly on the rise, and the case of a girl having one boyfriend too many is oh-so-common.

What does the concept of love entail? Does it involved the physically and sexually charged high when you reach an orgasm? Or Does it only manifest itself in feelings of affection and warm fuzziness that tickles you and reminds you that your partner adores you, and has built his life around you? Does security in a relationship equate to love? Does saying “I love you” to your partner a dozen times a day mean anything?

How can love be quantified or qualified in this modern world where its significance has been lowered to just that of a buzz of excitement I feel when I spot a new bag that i “love so much”, or to meeting a fair-weathered friend and generously saying “love you!”? I started questioning the idea of love 2 weeks ago, during Easter weekend when I asked myself, what does it mean to say “I love God”? And what does the Bible mean when it says “God is love?”

The world “love” has been so overly missued by everyone; we think that loving someone gives us the right to control his or her life, to dictate the choices that they make, and to determine what path he should follow. We think that loving someone still leaves space for betraying them and letting someone else fill that space and that we can have 2 or more in our hearts. We think that the effects of our disrespect and hurtful words are insignificant in the shaping of our partner’s self-image, and continue in our rampage or berating them in public, without sparing them the privacy to cry and react in a manner they deserve.

Is love a destination that we seek to reach, or istit supposed to be a ongoing journey that we embrace? im guilty of thinking that its the first. That once we reach this perfect paradise termed “Love” we can move on with other aspects of life that need to be fulfilled. And so with that partner in hand that you think has the ability to bring you love, we get caught up with other areas in our busy schedules, and in that, we forget why we even first loved someone. Whether it is family, friends, boyfriends or girlfriends, love tends to be lost in the myriad of tasks that we constantly seem to rush to finish, yet they never end, and so love gets trampled upon, and from initial lack of quality time spent to angry outrages at miscommunication with the people we say we love, one of the scariest things that could possibly happen is when indifference settles in and becomes more permanent an unwelcomed guest than we would like.

When we start to live without needing the other person, without care and concern for the other person, it is most probable that most love has long evaporated from the surface of emotions we once thought we could not live without. When we start being selfish and unconcerned, and unwilling to scarifice, it is one sure sign that love is lost.

Who can properly define love then since it is such a twisted concept that we use flippantly? What can we deem to be good for someone else whom we love subject to constraints just like an Economic optimization problem? Indeed, we all maximize our utility subject to certain budget constraints, whether our budget involves effort, time, money, or even our affection. We are all conditional beings that cannot find the strength to love outside our limited capacity of patience, understanding, kindness and goodness.

Maybe that’s why Easter holds so much meaning and significance for me. It s an important and much needed reminder of what love can be defined as. Love involves most importantly sacrifice, and freedom of choice. Without either, there cannot be love.

A controlling boyfriend does not truly love his girlfriend; I believe he is more in love with the idea of owning her as opposed to really wanting her to be happy. A jealous girlfriend cannot truly say that her green-eyed monster feelings are caused by her love for her boyfriend; the issue she has to deal with is her own insecurity. A father cannot say he truly loves his wife when he shouts at her in public and demeans her in front of his children, giving her no room for dignity and recovery. A friend cannot say she truly loves another friend when she cannot give up some time for her when she is in distress. A person who honestly loves unconditionally despite the state and emotion he is currently in, is willing to give up his time and effort, and most importantly, willing to give up his so-called “right” to dictate someone elses’ life, trusting in the fact that the other will reciprocate with equal trust and mutual respect.

God taught us the meaning of sacrifice, and the meaning of allowing us free choice despite how much it hurts him to see us hurt ourselves. And because He first loved us, we can love Him as well as others. I think I’m a far way off from daring to say I love anyone unconditionally; alot of my affection is contingent on the present state of emotions I’m in, hinging on the net benefits that seem to protract from a situation or simply depends on whether Im in a good mood or not.

Pastor Kong Hee mentioned a long long time ago that love is a choice; its not a an emotion (which seems to be the general definition of love in the dictionaries). That seems the most logical notion of love I have come across; and given this choice, we can choose whether or not to withhold ourselves from loving someone or not.