The Pursuit of Contentment

I was in 4.9 today, having a conversation with some friends; Ben, Changqi and Youjin, having a discussion about the government, the education system and whether the way you speak dictates the way you behave.

 I suppose there is some truth to the last point; that you speak the way you speak because of some ingrained culture that has played a major role in shaping the mind you now think with, the logic which you banter with, and the way you choose to portray yourself.

Perhaps it is very much so a form of identity that we try to create when we end up speaking in a particular way, identifiable only to those who we choose to impress and to move in the same circles with. And in a naturally progressive manner, we find ourselves gravitating towards a lifestyle that we deem desirable and becoming, something tangibly intangible, that we can embrace and wrap ourselves in.

In labour economics, Yip made a statement that the upperty-up class can choose to speak-down, but they often don’t wish to; doing that would make them synonymous to the the crowd that did. On the other hand, the lower classes couldn’t speak-up even if they wanted to, and find themselves resigning to a fate that left them in a way relegated to a life they probably wouldn’t have chosen had they been given the chance to choose for themselves.

 Can we ever be contented with the lives we live? It’s a question that seems easy to answer morally– That we should be, even if we can’t. But it certainly requires that much more patience and contentment. An internship comes along and we feel good about ourselves; then the next time if there isnt something better to top that, we think life hasn;t improved, and that we have been de-graded. If we’ve always been the best in class and suddenly we ‘re just average, it’s a blow that’s not too friendly to our egos.

That’s the way we’re made, it seems. To hardly be content, to always be unhappy with what we have, to suffer from a special kind of colour-blindness such that the grass always seems greener on the other side. No wonder the Bible had to explicitly state as one of the 10 commandments that “Thou shalt not covet.”

The pursuit of contentment is never easy. I think i’m guilty as charged for always falling off the track to that. Yet each time i see someone my age but not as fortunate, I’m reminded to be thankful and content, just because I have.

Where life is a game of focus, and we CAN win.

I was deeply inspired and stirred in my spirit during service on Sunday morning. It was about a very simple message, one I had heard more than 10 times (just in different varieties and sizes), but it pierced deep into my heart to catch me where I thought I had been falling.

Pastor Casey Treat told us to speak to our future. To “call those things that are not as though they are” and yes, I know its simple, and I know you’re probably shaking your head, wondering what on earth I am getting so very excited about. But, its a message that taught me how important faith is and how important it is to act on your faith.

God puts visions and dreams into our minds so that we can “receive so that we might know” what our future may hold. Just a glimpst of it to keep us longing for more, and to keep us headed on the right track. More rightly put, to keep us on a track at least. I feel that most people my age (including myself too) are often so distracted by much that we aren’t even putting ourselves on a route that leads us to where we should be heading, precisely because we cannot see any destination and hence there is no motivation.

Pastor Casey mentioned something that I find has absolute truth to it– that whatever you focus on you will move towards. In the very bones of my being I know this is one law that is true both in the physical and the spiritual, and I dare you, anyone of you who dares to take up this challenge, to envision yourself (the type of person you want to be, the type of job you want to be in, the people you want to impact, the life that you want to live) and think about it everyday. Proactively seek to achieve this and tell me if it does not work.

You know, if you were to ask a psychologist what the effects of negative focus are, I suppose his answer would sound vaguely similar to this — that if you choose to keep worrying and thinking that something horrible will happen to you, and you try all means and ways to avoid it, you will most probably attract it to you. because the power of our focus is so strong, such that our minds and behaviour will subconsciously entice and draw us towards the objects of our concentration, and vice versa.

Imagine, if we could use this ability in a positive way, and that our items of focus actually become our reality. That would be mind-blowingly simple, a mere following of the laws of nature. I challenge you. Do you dare to take up this challenge?

Information=Power

Steven Levitt, well known economist whose most controversial book, “Freakonomics” really isn’t about the capital flows from one nation to another, nor about the exchange rates that make USA such a major debtor to its Asian counterparts, really blows my mind.

He invokes in me something that I had not quite understood nor thought about– that all the econometric models and cascading models that economists like to use in their brilliant papers, these very tools which can be applied at the very macro economic level, can actually be used to strip down the micro-level data that examines and probes at the very essence of human character, our motivations, and the power that some individuals yield over other, whether intentionally or not. Pardon the long and winding sentence; my main point is that he has shown through his one heck of a mindblasting book, how it is true that real estate agents are similar to Ku Klux Klan members; and how at the very core of life itself, those who have more information than others will be at an advantage, and very often, most people will purposely make use of the information assymetry to get the better end of the deal.

Im certainly not lambasting the people who do that; we are all guilty and perfectly able to do that at most points of our lives. Whether it is selling your “lemon” car to someone else who thinks you’re just getting rid of it because you want a newer model, or if you’re simply only showcasing your talents and not also showcasing your greater and longer list of flaws at the one hour interview, or whether you’re trying to get your date to like you for who he thinks you are; we all know how to work information assymetry to our advantage.

It is the reason why we have inefficient stock markets; or is it the cause of inefficient markets? Whatever it is, in this imperfect world that we live in, information yields power over those who are ignorant and just too lazy to bother finding out more. With the 10 years that the internet has had to revolutionize the globe, this information assymetry has been scaled down to a much more minor degree; no longer can an insurance agent try to sell you life insurance at 3 times the average price; all at once we know the price of the houses that flippers try to make a quick buck out of in Sacramento, and all at once we can decide which car dealer is giving the best deal and who is just trying to make us pure suckers by throwing in unnecessary and useless free gifts to sweeten up that exorbitant price tag.

However, it still has not reached the stage where we all know what information everyone else has; and hence there is still some space for information assymetry to work its mighty magic. Information will never be as valuable as wisdom, nor can it take the place of intelligence, but while we are at it, information can take you to some very good places, or bad, depending on which end of the spectrum you happen to be sitting on.

We can never be the most knowledgeable in all fields, nor can an entire lifetime of learning and reading make us the most informed in all areas; but we most certainly can be very informed in at least one field. And therefore, we should.

One of two things will happen

When I walk on the edge
Of all the light I have
Or take that step into
The darkness of the unknown
I believe one of two things will happen
There will be something
solid for me to stand on
Or I will be taught to fly

Taken off someone’s blog, it lifted my spirits tremendously.

Intentionally intentional

So many things I do, I do without the intention to, and end up doing them half-heartedly, incidentally, unwillingly, robotically.

I feel now though, that I must, or at least should learn to try to, work towards intentional actions, that should reflect the way I perceive and the convictions I live by. Many a fleeting moments have ebbed, their presence made posible by some fickle change of mind, or by the unwilling yet inevitable promise of some action to a friend, acquaintance, or just out of guilt to appease my conscience.

Being intentional really exposes one to the root of the reason for doing the things we do, or in this case, I do. I frequently engage in conversations that are fully waste-worthy of my time, and leave me feeling empty and hollow, like the abandoned shell of an acorn, left on the ground to be trampled on.  Or sometimes I end up doing things that are inconsequential the moment I am done with them. Why then, I often question myself, do I even bother engaging in these activities?

The intent behind our actions are often very telling of our motives and motivations, and only after I started questioning why I do the things I do, do I realize that many of my actions have no intent at all. Not that everything must have a reason for its existence, and not that everything must be done with for a reason. But, the more important things in life should be weighted with a weight equivalent in amount as the significance with which they bear.

Masquerading Solitaire

I leave remnants of myself everywhere I go; at Dreamland Beach in Bali, at Chatuchak Weekend Market in Bangkok, the lovely river bridge in France, the platform right at the very top of the Eiffel Tower, Avenue of Stars next to Hotel Intercontinental in Tsim Tsa Shui, Hong Kong.

I have recollections of the roads that I tread, the stone walls and limestone structures that I have ran my fingers over. Ingrained in my internal core memory are words that were spoken during a certain beautiful spring day, and the gentle breeze caressing my face while I sat on the railings watching that beautiful fuschia Chinese junk pass me by. A part of me gets left behind, everytime I chance upon a quaint little village in Europe, or a club at Lan Kwai Fong.

I sometimes feel like a solitary traveller, my myriad of memories swirling in their lost enchantment, myself masquerading behind my intricately hand-painted theatre mask. I do not find it lonely, nor sad because I cannot bring my loved ones to a place where deep impressions burst forth in song and hold me captive. I am a masqueraing solitaire, running these places and scenes lovingly and repeatedly in my mind, believing in the love and warmth they never fail to rewind.

I used to travel for the sake of seeing the pretty postcard pictures that we like to put on our desktops, to pose a little for a snap with the Sun Moon Lake shimmering like a million diamonds on a purple velvet fabric, to buy a small souvenir to prove that I was there before. But now I have a sudden immense desire to travel and breathe in the rich intensity of every city’s culture, to revel in their deep history no matter how sad or awful it may have been, and to be like one of the many living there, experiencing the life they live.

It’s never the same as it is staying in the city you have lived in your whole existence. I want something more, much more fulfilling, as a masquerading solitaire.

Paradoxical matrix of the physical and mental

Never underestimate the soundness and calmness of mind. Without it, it is hard to concentrate and excel even if you have the best brains and highest intellect around. Without it, you will find yourself crumbling under the prick of stress, falling to a state where nothing matters except for you to regain the peace of mind, where all other accomplishments are overridden by the bare neccessity to feel once more that you have space for yourself and can push everything else far, far away.

Sometimes, we stretch ourselves too thin, until we are unexpressedly incapable of expressing what we want, and end up trying to reach everyone’s expecations, but in reality meeting none. When we spread our energy and concentration over one too many matters and sit on one too many excos, we start tearing ourselves apart because we cannot prioritize and number our goals.

The mind is an amazing object of scrutiny and discussion; its workings have always amazed me no end. The state of our minds have always been the subject of experiment and observation, yet it is also the very thing that most people forget to take care of.

When I was playing tennis in JC and secondary school, my coaches never failed to highlight the importance of being in top form mentally before a match and during the gruelling play. Physical tiredness would not bring you down as much as mental fatigue, they would harp no end, and till today, their words ring so true, regardless of your discipline or field of study.

Sometimes we take on countless responsibilities that end up making us doubt ourselves, not because we honestly lack the capabiltiies to fulfil them, but only because our weary spirit and tired mind has no more strength to contain the weight of these obligations. Sometimes, all we need is a quick prioritization of our repsonsibilities, a re-ordering of our busy schedules and a reorganization of our lives.

the not too distant future

the youth of today seem so unconcerned about their future, its quite apalling…

But its hard to see something as far as 30 years down the road when you’re not even 20 years old. The release of the A levels results has created quite a stir in the nation, especially since its the year of the Dragon babies, where competition is unusually stiffer than other years, and where it takes much more to fight for a place in University.

Indeed, when I was that age, all I thought about was jsut getting good grades, not at all giving thought to what I might want to do in the future, the line that I might work in, or the type of person I wanted to become. Because to me, I had no inkling of the person I was and let the consensus decide on my behalf. I followed what i thought was to be the best path and route to take, and though I certainly don’t regret it, I would have had the path been something else.

Students nowadays have it easy; they didnt have to fight to be able to study; most parents have the money to put them through school. at least up till tertiary education, except for a certain few that I know. Cindy is one such girl, who had to fight her way through school by working shifts during the week to contribute to her household expenses as well as to carry her through poly. Her tenacity is something I have always held in high regard, and I think it’s something that most youths nowadays are in deep lack of.

We need a drive that will push us out of the land of complacency; the vision to look beyond just our shores; and to see a future that has to be made by us and only us. No one else will create your future and your world for you; if you stand and watch the world go by, that is all you will be; forever a bystander witnessing the highs and lows others go through, but never ever understanding, because it will never be your own.

down and dirty

I realized that I really like the courses that Im doing this sem, although they are mostly far from qualitative, which is what I usually find myself excelling in more than quantitative.

This sem, I forced myself to take 4 courses that have numberic technicalities as their base; or at least some form of quantitative requirements that don’t allow for the use of a smoke screen, and find myself working doubly hard, to make up for my lack of quantitative skills.

Yet in the midst of squeezing one meeting after the next and trying to do regressions on different time periods to get the desired Beta, or just to key in numbers after numbers so I could get my residual income valuation done, I realized that I take alot more out of it than just a grade. I learnt the importance of teamwork and how to remain optimistic when all seems to be going wrong. I learnt that unless you get down and dirty with your work, you cannot take away the experience of having worked through a problem yourself; that if you don’t push yourself and push the others around you, you probably wont get anywhere cos there’s no one else who will bother to nudge you. It’s up to your own initiative to get things done; to take up the first step to work something out; and its really very much about time management.

24 hours isn’t enough at all, not when I need about 8 hours of sleep a day to be productive; not when there are tons of readings to be done and you actually want to read about the world news rather than just your corporate reporting, derivatives, asian monetary policy and labour economics textbooks. 3 months is very short; the term is almost halfway done now, and the next 8 weeks will be guaranteed to fly by once more, as they have dont for the past 5 terms. I made a pact with myself once to make full use of every resource that I have; currently I still have yet to fulfil that promise, but from now on, I will be more efficient. A busy man only gets busier, in Shaun’s words, and the only thing that sets the level playing field for all people are that they only get 24 hours a day, no matter how important or tied down with work they are. So, really, it’s up to us to allocate wisely, and to get down and dirty, not shirk the tough stuff and skim through life.